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+--- Thread: The Helpfull Man!! (/thread-1170.html)
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The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 12-04-2003
LOL...Yeah right!
A Helpful Man
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help.
As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, ?You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch.?
?But I'm not pregnant,? she says.
?Well, you're not out of the ditch yet,? he says.
LMAO
:p
The Helpfull Man!! - Dark Avatar - 12-19-2003
lol, I like these jokes. Especially the chilli one.
The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 12-21-2003
Why thank you Dark!~smiles~I will look for another good one!
The Helpfull Man!! - A|fzZz - 12-31-2003
Hmm.....i hate to say this....but it is a little lame for me....
The Helpfull Man!! - SpreadNeedleXP - 01-01-2004
Oh yes, you're just too cool for it.... C'mon, what kind of post was that?!
The Helpfull Man!! - Spitfire - 01-01-2004
*does not get it*
The Helpfull Man!! - A|fzZz - 01-01-2004
maybe.....
The Helpfull Man!! - Pyro Flare - 01-02-2004
i dont get it either... maybe im just blonde
never know
The Helpfull Man!! - ajlaga - 01-02-2004
hahahaha, funny, but real lame
The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 01-02-2004
lol ok I am not posting any more *pokes* that you have to think about ~sex~ to get!!He called her a pregnant woman ...but she wasnt...yet...or out of the ditch!...nvm
The Helpfull Man!! - SpreadNeedleXP - 01-03-2004
Pamela Wrote:lol ok I am not posting any more *pokes* that you have to think about ~sex~ to get!!He called her a pregnant woman ...but she wasnt...yet...or out of the ditch!...nvm
You have now made me 2 times more confused... :confused:
The Helpfull Man!! - lord-steve - 01-05-2004
how about this...i cant remember it exactly but i think this is how it goes
a man always falls asleep in the church so his wife got a stick to poke him whenever he falls asleep in the church.one day the priest (or w/e u call him, the guy that stands up there and read the bible) asked everyone "who gave us all our food and clothe?? and the man fell asleep, so his wife poked him in the ribs..
"GOD!!" the guy woke up
"that's rite, very good trayne" (just a random name)
he nudged his wife in the ribs and fall back asleep again
and then the priest asked everyone..
"who is the greatest man that ever lived??"
his wife poked him again
"JESUS!!"the guy was pretty annoyed by now
"hohoho.. nice trayne" goes the priest
"wat did eve say to adam on their 99th night of sin?"
his wife poked him again ****
the guy woke up and pointed his finger at his wife
"IF U POKE ME WITH THAT DAMN THING AGAIN, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!"
hehehe.... enjoy, if u dont get it email me
The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 01-18-2004
LMAO...Good one!....I got it btw!
The Helpfull Man!! - Nubli - 01-18-2004
haha, nice, it was detailed enough to understand it... Pamela, learn from HIM
(no offense :p )
The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 01-19-2004
LOL...Ok Try this...
This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the
actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I
know why they record these conversations)
"Rich Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having
trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just
typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type." "Are you still in
WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C:
prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind, can you move
your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it
won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power
indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it
that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when
it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor
and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there
are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Ooh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh,
it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's
dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got
it licked now.
Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them
you're too damn stupid to own a computer."
The Helpfull Man!! - Spitfire - 01-19-2004
Lol thats a good one
The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 01-19-2004
*Hugs Spitfire* Why thank you!!
The Helpfull Man!! - Nubli - 01-20-2004
LMAO, that was really nice!!! (i woulda said the exact same thing to that person... sea-prompt)
The Helpfull Man!! - Pamela - 01-20-2004
I really hope you like this!
your annoying
when you Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
when you Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
when you Call other people "Champ," "Sport" or "Tiger." Refer to yourself as "Coach."
when you Drum on every available surface.
when you Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
when you Glue the pages of your schoolbooks, that you are returning, together from the middle of the page.
when you Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
when you Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copy warnings.
when you Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
when you Hide daily used products in inaccessible places.
when you Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
when you Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times."
when you Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn't really save them any money.
when you Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
when you Set alarms to go off at random times.
when you Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
when you Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
when you Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume adjusted to the max.
when you Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
when you Honk and wave to strangers.
when you Change channels of your TV five minutes before the end of every show.
when you Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
when you Rouse your roommate/wife from sleep each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
when you Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
when you ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
when you Pay for your expensive dinner with small coins.
when you Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
when you Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
when you Write "X - Buried Pirat Treasure" in random spots on roadmaps.
when you Explain to everyone you meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
when you Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
when you Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
when you Demand that everyone address you as "The Conquistador."
when you Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
when you At the laundry room, use one dryer for each of your socks.
when you Sing Christmas carols like "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until you get physically exhausted.
when you Wear a T-shirt that says "Magnificent One" or "I Am The One And Only."
when you As much as possible, skip or jump forward rather than walk.
when you Look over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
when you Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
when you Pretend your mouse is a Walkie Talkie radio, and talk to it.
when you Always drive there with your car, if the way to somewhere was only half a block.
when you Name your dog "Dog."
when you Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
when you Ask people what gender they are and what does their first name mean.
when you Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
when you Lick the filling out from all the cookies, and place the cookie parts back in the box.
when you Cultivate a Norwegian accent and tell jokes about Swedish people to everyone.
when you Forget the ending of a joke you were telling by purpose.
when you Chain yourself to furniture, informing the curious, that you don't want to fall off "in case of an earthquake."
when you Follow a few steps behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Super Cleaner.
when you Deliberately sing songs that will remain playing in your friends brains, such as The Simpsons theme song.
when you Lie about normal things such as the time, when someone asks you that.
when you Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
when you Leave your Christmas lights around your house until September, and then put them back at October.
when you Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
when you Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
when you Chew pencils that you have borrowed.
when you Tell someone who doesn't know anything about computers, that a computer needs to be feeded hamburgers through the floppy drive five times a day.
when you Wear a lot of cologne and wave your hands for the odour to spread.
when you Ask girls if you may "Connect in a physical level" with them.
when you Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "Superior fast mental processing."
when you Sing along loudly at the opera.
when you Mow your lawn with scissors.
when you Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance with the prophecy."
when you Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "Imaginary friend."
when you Go to a poetry classes and ask why some of the poems doesn't rhyme.
when you Ask your friends mysterious questions, and write their answers in a notebook. Mumble something about "Psychological profiles."
when you Stare the TV when it's not on and claim you can see the "Magic picture."
when you Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
when you Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing disturbing silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
when you Never make an eye contact with anyone.
when you Never break an eye contact with people.
when you Signal that a conversation is over by putting your hands over your ears and mumbling repeatedly "I am not listening..."
when you Construct strange marks to your front lawn and claim that they are "UFO landing marks."
when you Construct your own fake "Stress Detector", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
when you Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
when you Make appointments for the 31st of September.
when you Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
when you When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (eg. "Hand, will you please open the door.")
when you Don't shave until at your job, keeping the bathroom busy for hours.
when you Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
The Helpfull Man!! - Kai. - 01-21-2004
oh...god... still laughing... so funny... ..my sides... the ache... I MUST try some of these....according to the prophesy...