+- Blizzard Sector (https://www.blizzsector.co)
+-- Forum: General Community (https://www.blizzsector.co/forum-3.html)
+--- Forum: Small Talk (https://www.blizzsector.co/forum-11.html)
+--- Thread: Gender Jokes! (/thread-23901.html)
Pages:
1
2
Gender Jokes! - ZxSlippy191 - 10-27-2005
Husband's Great Gift
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Two Cannibals
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "
The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
New Women's Study
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.85% of women think their *** has grown too big since getting married..
10% of women think their *** is just as big as it was when they got married..
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
Tell me what you think of them. ^_^
Gender Jokes! - Bloodangel26 - 10-27-2005
last one wasnt funny, rest were good.
Gender Jokes! - DaCougarMech - 10-27-2005
they were nice cept for the last one
im really tired of jokes making fun of men
Gender Jokes! - [/sarcasm] - 10-27-2005
DCM can dish it, but he sure as hell can't take it. I personally liked the last one, but the Needs one was obviously the best of them all.
Gender Jokes! - Siris - 10-27-2005
hahha i klike the needs 1 the best. she got what she desevred
Gender Jokes! - pyrocrow - 10-27-2005
I liked needs, and cannibals. I want to try needs someday, but I can't 'cuz I know how to pleasure the ladies
Gender Jokes! - DaCougarMech - 10-28-2005
[/sarcasm] Wrote:DCM can dish it, but he sure as hell can't take it. I personally liked the last one, but the Needs one was obviously the best of them all.
i dont know what that's supposed to mean but im just tired of of women just going "men..." and a boatload of women go "booooo..." and peter griffin switching the channel and saying "canceled"
Gender Jokes! - pyrocrow - 10-31-2005
I have no idea what you are saying about peter griffin, but what I think sarcasm meant was, you like to dish jokes out about women, but you can't take jokes about men. There fore, you dish jokes, but you can't take them.
Gender Jokes! - DaCougarMech - 10-31-2005
the peter griffin reference is from an episode where it shows the griffins watching tv and flipping through channels. as peter flips to a show remniscient of daytime talkshows mainly dominated by pissed-offed feminists, it shows a female host holding a microphone. she then utters a single word. "men!". immediately the entire audience goes "booooooooo...". peter then flips the channel as he says "canceled"
anyway, i think sarcasm must have me confused with someone else. i dont ever recall making jokes about women on here but i would appreciate it if someone showed me one of my jokes
Gender Jokes! - FraterPerdurabo - 10-31-2005
dacougarmech Wrote:they were nice cept for the last one
im really tired of jokes making fun of men
You need something quick and simple for strikeing back, e.g:
How do You fix a dishwasher?
"Slap her"
Gender Jokes! - Jakex1 - 10-31-2005
ROFL "slap her"
whats strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand
Gender Jokes! - pyrocrow - 11-01-2005
What do you call a woman who's doing her job?
Pregnant
Gender Jokes! - DaCougarMech - 11-01-2005
warning: the next joke in no way reflects my own beliefs
how many chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. one to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to suck my d!ck!!!
Gender Jokes! - masterchief26 - 11-01-2005
Quote: warning: the next joke in no way reflects my own beliefs
how many chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. one to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to suck my d!ck!!!
ure so immature....
Gender Jokes! - DaCougarMech - 11-01-2005
it's just a joke i heard. dont trip
Gender Jokes! - hellsing293 - 11-02-2005
Quote:
Originally posted by dacougarmech
warning: the next joke in no way reflects my own beliefs
how many chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. one to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to suck my d!ck!!!
man that's just retarded... not even funny. I'm so ripping you on this one.mad:
But to an extent, on tv you will notice its us men who get made fun of more. We're always the bad fathers on sit coms, the stupid one with hot smart wife, and then theres sexist shows like dacougarmech said but we dish out a lot to women just differently.
Gender Jokes! - fleaflickerx - 11-02-2005
their decent but i don't under stand the last one.
Gender Jokes! - DaCougarMech - 11-02-2005
hellsing293 Wrote:man that's just retarded... not even funny. I'm so ripping you on this one.mad:
But to an extent, on tv you will notice its us men who get made fun of more. We're always the bad fathers on sit coms, the stupid one with hot smart wife, and then theres sexist shows like dacougarmech said but we dish out a lot to women just differently.
well gee, i dont think im sexist. not to sound cliche but im all for women's rights. i just thought that joke was funny because the question implied the stupidity of women but instead of a witty answer, the punchline just comes out as a loud boisterous display of macho sexism. it's not so much the punch line that is funny but the abrupt yelling in the last part of the punchline.
anyway, somewhere along the line i think feminine power crossed the line. not always but sometimes men will disagree with a woman and immediately the woman will call sexism. and also, now while making fun of women has been deemed as bad, and that is good, making fun of men has been deemed accaptable and i think that is just as wrong. i dont blast the feminist movement because i think it is a very important civil right but i dont like people who take advantage of it to attack all men
Gender Jokes! - FraterPerdurabo - 11-02-2005
dacougarmech Wrote:the peter griffin reference is from an episode where it shows the griffins watching tv and flipping through channels. as peter flips to a show remniscient of daytime talkshows mainly dominated by pissed-offed feminists, it shows a female host holding a microphone. she then utters a single word. "men!". immediately the entire audience goes "booooooooo...". peter then flips the channel as he says "canceled"
God most women are so stupid. I've only met one intelligent woman in my life.
Gender Jokes! - Deadlyy-Guy - 11-03-2005
how do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't... there's a clock on the oven.
Why did the woman cross the road?
thats not important why is she out of the kitchen.
Whats the difference between Bigfoot and a smart woman?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
i could go on for days but there's a little something to whet your appetite.