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+--- Thread: 2 jokes (/thread-30363.html)
2 jokes - Mozzy - 05-26-2006
2 men are standing in line in front of sait peter at the gates of heaven. st peter explains to each of them that in heaven, the car you get to drive depends on how good your life was and then judges them.
the first guy st peter gives a 72 pinto because he cheated on his wife alot, beat his kids, and never paid taxes.
the second guy gets a brand new 06 7 series BMW fully loaded with extended warranty and everything because he took his wife out to eat often, went to church every sunday, and never cheated on his wife.
a couple weeks later the guy with the pinto sees the guy with the BMW crying in his car at an intersection. he asks him why he could possibly be sad and the guy says "i just saw my wife on roller skates."
--
a man finds a ladder going straight up into the clouds and decides to climb up to see. he reaches a cloud and sees a nasty fat old naked lady and she says "**** me or climb the stairs to success forever". he wisely decides to keep going
at the second cloud he comes to there's a slightly slimmer and younger woman but just as ugly and she says "**** me now or climb the stairs to success forver."
at the third cloud the woman is almost attractive and says the same thing and so on..
by the time he gets to the 9th cloud or so the woman is one step away from his premeir fantasy woman except that she has a hairy mole on her lip and of course she says "**** me now or clmib the stairs to success forever." he decides that his luck is so great that he will go one more cloud up but that's it.
he climbs up and finds a hatch door and opens it. after he steps through the hatch closes behind him and he's stuck in a small room. there's a 6'5" bald 45 year old biker standing near and he says. "hi i'm cess."
2 jokes - Fykins - 05-27-2006
Man that second joke ruled, it even had a moral to it lol.
2 jokes - Deathlord151 - 05-27-2006
the second joke was pretty funny and i agree with Chuck it did have a moralcool:
2 jokes - tigeroip - 05-27-2006
Nice lol im gonna tell the second one to one of my frinds lol, ill credit u lol the first one i heard b4 lol gj
2 jokes - mikea454 - 05-27-2006
Ok I got a joke... works better in person but Ill give it a try.
So this guy is online at the checkout on a busy sunday night. He watches as the woman in front of him puts onto the conveyer belt a can of creamed corn, a bag of those little pre-peeled carrots, a loaf of whole wheat bread and a galleon of milk. As she goes back for her purse to pay she catches eyes with the guy behind her. He says, "excuse me miss, I just got to ask, but your single aren't you??" The woman looks at her groceries back and the man and back and forth once more, and replies "i am, but how'd you know??"
The man pauses for a sec "Because your ugly!"
2 jokes - Deathlord151 - 05-27-2006
lol that was a lil funny nice joke laugh:
2 jokes - tigeroip - 05-28-2006
yeah i likes the third joke also
2 jokes - Metalhead Steve - 05-28-2006
I guess I have no sense of humor because I found none of these jokes funny.
2 jokes - Mozzy - 05-30-2006
you're ugly, hehe that's good stuff
ok how about this...
a man is talking to a doctor about his wife's condition. the doctor says "i'm sorry sir but we can only narrow your wife's condition down to two possibilities. either she has aids or alzheimer. there's no way we can tell for sure"
the man says "but doc i absolutely have to know, isnt' there somethig i can do?"
the doc says "well ok but you didn't hear this from me. take your wife 20 miles out in the middle of the woods and drop her off. if she finds her way home don't **** her."
2 jokes - fleaflickerx - 05-30-2006
uhhhh thats bad i liked the 1st one, second one was pretty good to keep up the good work
2 jokes - hellsing293 - 05-30-2006
1st one was my favorite and others were good. last one wasn't that good IMO though.
2 jokes - mikea454 - 05-30-2006
ok one more...
So these two men approach the pearly gates and St. Peter explains to them how things in Heaven work. He started off explaing how the car you get depends on just how good you were. The first guy gets a 1992 Ford crown victoria and the second guy gets a porsche 911 turbo. They drive off cruisin around heaven. The First guy starts thinking to himself... man life would be great if I had a better car, I would be really happy then... Perhaps I should have been a more upright citizen, I should never have cheated on my wife that one time. He crosses paths with the 2nd man, who has pulled over and is crying. He asks the second man... how can you be upset, look at the sweet ride you have. THe 2nd man looks up between sobs and says, yeah the car is great but I just saw my life on rollerblades.
yea not that good a joke, coworker told it to me the other day. I think there was a similar verion with the pope on rollerblades
2 jokes - georgepotter1 - 05-30-2006
lol had to look at it for a second but that second one it funny