Yet another narrative I had to write

[hellsing293]

I had to write this for English class. I have to turn it in to my teacher in approximately 5 hours lol. I wrote this in only an hour so it's probably rough around the edges but you'll get the point--all about a soldier's return home and attempt to mentally leave the battlefield etc.

Basically I was given a picture of a soldier on a landing strip running into the arms of his family/wife or girlfriend and I had to write a narrative for it.


I paused a moment, clenching my fist, to gather my scattered thoughts. Anxiously, I had waited for this moment for an agonizing two years. Vaguely, I found it strange how I could be so nervous and confused about how to act and what to say to her after I’ve been pondering this encounter for so very long. Slowly, I stepped cautiously out of the military airplane as if I was returning to the distant battlefield.

My stiff legs, worn by the long duration of the flight, shakily guided my likewise uneasy body down the rigid steps of the plane. The intense burst of light and heat from the overhead sun was my initial wakeup call back into my past life. A blue sky and a crisp, dry breeze apologized for the obstinate sun’s intensity. The day’s seemingly unusually warmth, coupled with my overly insulated military uniform, caused me to sweat profusely. Still, I am unsure if it was the weather or the thought of seeing her that made me perspire.

The black, tar landing strip was a friendlier surface than the perilous descending stairs from the plane. Deliberately, I again stopped myself to regain my balance. I wasn’t ready; it was too soon. The uneasiness I received while thinking of her was far worse than anything a long travel could inflict upon me. Time appeared to stop, and I felt as if all of the pain and suffering that I had previously endured was only a grain of sand in the beach of time.

Steadily like the pendulum of a clock, my heart became a wild beast encaged in my chest. My fearful eyes darted around the area like they used to in the midst of crossfire. Inside my head, the confusion and mixture of feelings appeared to cause my brain to have its own spasm. As a whole, both mentally and physically, I was unable to handle this situation. I needed to be both with her, and also far away from her.

Although ailing, it was apparently not meant to be that I would be allowed some precious spare time to regain my composure. Off in the hazy distance, my eyes and hers caught sight of each other. Running with total abandonment, my bodily pains vanished underneath my overwhelming desire to be reunited with the woman that I had left behind. I had deserted my love, possibly my entire life, when I readily departed for war. The time had arrived to retrieve that which I foolish suspended and retain a sense of normalcy.

Rapidly, I closed in on my intended target and kept her well in my sights. A sudden gust of wind momentarily disoriented me, reminding me that I must be ready for any sort of surprise. She had grown close enough where I could discern her twinkling blue gazing eyes upon me. Had love become so foreign an emotion that I have forgotten what it was like I wondered. A muddle of uncertainty plagued my feelings and not knowing what she was thinking was my greatest fear.

Then, without notice, she was in front of me and I felt her soft arms gently squeeze around my unsteady frame. With silent tears creeping down her rosy cheeks, she softly muttered the words, “I’ve missed you” in my ear. I quickly looked down at her and then realized that it was all over: war, suffering, loneliness, and most importantly, my separation from what really matters in life.

**Arg, this never formats nicely from MS Word to BZS**
**Yes, there ARE TYPOS. I'm editing right now, but I'll post a fixed up version tomorrow maybe**

[10 man]

Good job. I enjoyed it. The read did seem a bit jarring though. Same as the last one in that respect. I find it easier to be enveloped in a story where I don't have to force the sentences.

" Although ailing, it was apparently not meant to be that I would be allowed some precious spare time to regain my composure."


That is an example of what im refering to. It is a rough draft though. Great job again. Hope you get or have already received an A. :)

[Zerobanshee]

yeah, the sentences were a bit forced, and there also seems to be an overused amount of description, but otherwise, it is a pretty good narrative.