Talk About A Contradiction Of Terms!

[Pamela]

This is toooooooo funny *LOL*Enjoy the silliness!Top 50 OXYMORONS

50. Act naturally

49. Found missing

48. Resident alien

47. Advanced BASIC

46. Genuine imitation

45. Airline Food

44. Good grief

43. Same difference

42. Almost exactly

41. Government organization

40. Sanitary landfill

39. Alone together

38. Legally drunk

37. Silent scream

36. American history

35. Living dead

34. Small crowd

33. Business ethics

32. Soft rock

31. Butt Head

30. Military Intelligence

29. Software documentation

28. New York culture

27. New classic

26. Sweet sorrow

25. Childproof

24. "Now, then ..."

23. Synthetic natural gas

21. Passive aggression

20. Taped live

19. Clearly misunderstood

18. Peace force

17. Extinct Life

16. Temporary tax increase

15. Computer jock

14. Plastic glasses

13. Terribly pleased

12. Computer security

11. Political science

10. Tight slacks

9. Definite maybe

8. Pretty ugly

7. Twelve-ounce pound cake

6. Diet ice cream

5. Rap music

4. Working vacation

3. Exact estimate

2. Religious tolerance

1. Microsoft Works

[Soldier]

lol i like #1

[Pamela]

LOL So do I~winks~...there is a lot to be said for how*easy* computers are to use!!!(NOT)At least for me...(Newbie here)...This is some more fun stuff...Yeah
I know...I am *full* of it..lol..Enjoy!

Law Court Transcript
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at! the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

[Soldier]

lol i always thought lawyers were smart

[Pamela]

:lol: I did too Soldier...this kinda makes you go..hhmmmm???

[Soldier]

i dont see why everyone hates lawyers... they dont seem mean to me

[TNTPaladin]

Now I have a completely different view on lawyers!

[Soldier]

some of the things that were stupid were stuff that the witness said

[Pamela]

LOL ...Well for every graduating class :devil: ...SOMEONE had to be last!!!!

[Tichondrius_87]

you forgot one: Military Intelligence.

[Pamela]

LOL...Yes! I was actually in Millitary Intelligence when I was in th Army!(Yes I served!)

[Nubli]

ROSIE.. rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... the riviter =D

[Tichondrius_87]

i wonder how come clancy made all that money off of the military books and games? my books about my service for my country never sold. what's not interesting about a job at the DMV for a week, which i never showed up to? i mean c'mon, there's entertainment in that.

[Nethran]

I once worked. I didn't get paid.... but I did work once. It wasnt a real job, but I worked.

[Tichondrius_87]

you got paid for ripping apart the crackhouse with me and aussie. then you went and stuck that.... photograph *shudder* in my book. i still hate you.

because i'm crazy.

[Nethran]

lol.. it was a picture of a dogfaced crackwhore naked with her legs in the air.. I thought it would be funny if he opened his sociology book in class and that fell out for people to see. Oh, what a simple yet complicated mind I have.

[Tichondrius_87]

actually, it was one of those things you get when you develop your pics, where they're all miniaturized and put on one three by five glossy. soo... there were several pictures. all of them disgusting. that's why i hate you.

[Nethran]

and the pic i taked about was one of em.. there were like 3 similar ones, too. andrew thought she was hot.

[Tichondrius_87]

no, i didn't. asbestos induced intoxication may have caused some blurriness of my vision. hell, i've even said you were hot. did i get a picture of you? no. at least... that you know of.

[Nethran]

what were those groundrules I set? You must search for them before you continue to post... I Cant remember what thread I puttem in.