Something to Offend Almost Anyone!

[ICP_OvErLorD]

What's the Cuban National Anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

rotf thats great, i love it

[Pamela]

LOL I didnt write all of them! *blush* But I did throw in a few I have heard!.........Keep smilling!

[Nubli]

Yay for Pamela, but once again, even though I was late on this thread, Lycshiftz has proven to be an ***.

[Silver Ice]

why's he an ***?

[splintercell]

He isn't one all the time, he just can be when he replies with something kinda mean and witty to a thread, but other than voicing his opinion in sometimes mean ways, he is ok. Hey pam any more jokes to throw out?

[logic.]

the different font sizes and colors offend me

[Silver Ice]

your green glowing name offends me for some reason, j/k

[splintercell]

I'm offended by...oo wait..nothing.

[elterion]

Everyone loves a german cake, just nothing will do. Thats why grandma makes hers with the ashes of a thousand jews.

Don't get it? Say it aloud.

[TMP]

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.



Hahahahahahaha.... that's the funniest thing I've heard like all year.

[elterion]

Yay for Pamela, but once again, even though I was late on this thread, Lycshiftz has proven to be an ***.

Its not his fault he has a temper. Blame his parents.

[Aemaeth]

Supermodels - Where's the runway..!!

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford are flying to a supermodels' conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces:

'We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing-assume the brace position immediately!"
The three models start preparing for the worst.

Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What the hell are you doing fixing your face when we are about to crash!"
Claudia responds, "I know for a fact that the rescue workers will search for and save first, the ones with the best looking faces, which is why I am putting on my make-up."

Cindy rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh, which inexplicably defy the law of gravity.
Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout, "Cindy, have you lost your senses?
Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die?"

Cindy responds, "I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save the women with big beautiful breasts, which is why I am exposing my ****!"

Not hesitating, Naomi pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her "love triangle".

Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell, "Naomi, are you crazy?
Why are you exposing your crutch for everyone to see?"
Calmly, Naomi responds, "*****es, please! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for is a black box!"

[splintercell]

LOL the german cake one was pretty good elterion. LOL supermodels would probably say something like that to...

[Silver Ice]

hitler says: jews are anorexic. We tried to feed them i swear. lol

[MecanicalAnimal]

Pamela: if all you wanted was a smile and to brighten a day mission accomplish gj and ty

Ab: I agree how very small minded
Eltharion: German Cake was Ok. Pretty bad though gj to that
Silver: Ha, I don't know if my sense of humor is just stupid or what but the Hitler joke was hilarious.

[SpoonMan999]

Ok this is pretty bad but I'm sure most of you have heard it.

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!
It's mean as hell but for some reason hilarious.

[Pamela]

OMFG Spoon!! LMAO...geez *wipes a tear* That WAS bad...and funny...as long as people keep in mind its a JOKE!*hugs ya*

Heres a new one!
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had

died of a "massive internal fart,"
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test.
I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right

eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Left." Again, a
flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't
even read the large letter on the top line. I turned and discovered
that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to
put
on
a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
it!"
I
had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes,
the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since the incident, the
instructions now include removal of the old patch before applying a
new
one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered
"Why, not for about twenty years-- when my husband was alive,"
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly.
I

can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked
to
see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

And Finally . . A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB, was
quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment
he
had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The middle aged lady
upon
whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you
were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
Colonoscopy Humor:
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made
while
he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone
before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand
out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is
not,
in
fact, up there?"


Enjoy!

[defaultstring2]

hehe this one is horrible.....

how is a black person and a candy cane alike?

they both look good hangin off trees


why is AIDS the magical disease?

because it turns fruits into vegtables

[A|fzZz]

dun quite get the 2nd one...

[Pamela]

Fruit =Gay..vegatable =dead..I THINK o.0