I'm kind of pathetic

[SpoonMan999]

Not trying to advertise or anything...just would like some opinions...it's long so don't read it if you don't want to...and if you're just going to say something stupid then please click 'back' right now...

this was posted on my live journal:

User: pubertygrinch
Current Music: The Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Subject: Pointless Posts
Security: protected
Time: 06:02 pm


So...the last few posts I made were pretty pointless...except for the private ones...Michelle I know you're probably thinking..."what private posts?" well...everyone on my friend's list could see them...except for you cause I was afraid that you would feel bad after reading them...even worse I thought I might not get to be around you anymore...they were all made cause I miss you so much...not just you but being with you...and I understand why you did what you did...I really do...but I would have waited...I really would have...and still would if you asked...but since I know that isn't going to happen...I have to deal...just know that you were the best thing to happen to a loser like me...I'll always remember you...and I guess I'll always be your friend if that's all I can be...I've added you to that private group so you should be able to read my private posts if you want...I wish I knew how you feel about all this...I wish I knew what you were thinking...you just seemed so happy I didn't want to ruin it...but just now I was looking at your old posts and even went back and read my own posts about you...and it actually hurt...physically...probably not good for me to do this because of my stomach...but oh well...already did...it's just after you broke it off...you didn't say anything about it after that night...no post...nothing to me...and Bryan hasn't said anything about how you feel...so I take you haven't really talked to him about it...and please don't take my paranoid statements from before too badly...I have trouble trusting anyone...since everyone always seems to think so highly of me (there is sarcasm there for those of you who don't know me too well) and how everyone seems to think of me as a good person to know (again sarcasm)...so my thoughts are just me being an idiot...I tell myself that we broke up because you were leaving...but then deep down there's always that voice that says "You're a loser and she didn't want you anymore...she just said that so you wouldn't cry"(which I didn't really...I teared up a little but then just sort of went cold and got yelled at by my dad...)...I'd still rather have you as a friend than not in my life at all...but being around you is hard...all I want to do is to hold you...but I can't...I don't mean to act strange or distant when I'm around you...but I can't help it...I don't like that I can't stop myself from being completely infatuated with your beauty everytime I see you smile...I don't like feeling this way when I can no longer have you...but I just can't help it...there isn't much I wouldn't do for even just one more night you...

I wanted to tell you that I decided that the Goo Goo Dolls - Iris is the song that I think most reminds me of you...not only are you a big fan of them but just the words of the song make me think of you...

Goo Goo Dolls
Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Please don't read this get freaked out and never speak to me again...atleast comment on it and let me know how you feel...I don't know if it hurts this much for you...and if it did you're probably over it...but I'm not...I just want to know...