Hmm, wonder if this will get read...

[Crimson_Brilliance010]

"He's been waking up with his rod in his hands." Didn't read after this. Laughed very hard.

Congratulations, you caught the pun!!!

LOL I thought it was going to be an admonition type story on the sins and evil of ************. I really did,but laughed pretty good at it.

As far as the storyline,your flow of thoughts needs a bit of work.You want to bring the reader along,keep them interested in what is happening,as well as what WILL happen.
Not give up in frustration due to the stilted flow of the story.

Your descriptiveness was excellent,yet had little to do with where you were taking the reader.All in all not a bad job.Next time concentrate a bit more on making it better to understand,or you are likely to lose the interest of the reader after the first few sentences.

I actually wrote this in a hurry to finally join in with my peers, It took me a whole 6 months to catch up and actually WRITE something. (i'm assuming that's what "stinted" means)

Do you really mean what you say about "descriptiveness"? Cause details and I need Jesus. I have to force myself to do details. I will grow in that eventually, but only in shorter scripts.

I'll post the remix within the next 12 hours, now if I have time.

"He's been waking up with his rod in his hands." Said one voice. The sound barely drifted in the open air around them, but it was whispered.

"His work ethic has slackened in some places and he's shown interest elsewhere." Said another, nodding a concerned agreement to the first speaker's statement.

"He calls himself secretly training after hours." Spoke a deeper voice.

"He has energy to burn for days."

"His expression is not as light as it used to be."

"He's been thinking when he does finally sit down."

"Brethren, it's been decided. It's time for the talk."

"I don't know whether or not we've been loathing for this day to come or not, but we
damn sure have to deal with it now." Said one, and there was a pause as the collected voices thought to themselves.

"Well, when's his next 'down' time?" Chimed one after a moment.

"Who's turn is it to keep track?"

"Mine," Said one voice "and it's right about... now!"

"His attention wavers. We must be off at once. Brethen, roll out!"

And so, the Brothers Kourtes set out to find their charge. These brawn but nimble Digimen sprinted forth into the wood. Up the treacherous incline of Mons Omega, they began their swift search. Taking care to check each safety zone that they's ordained for their pupil, they soon found him bathing. To no one's surprise, he was still holding his rod.

"I'm near finished," called out his angelic alto with touches of bass clef, "Is something the matter?"

"No, not at all." Said they, pausing politely away from the young digimon's location. "It's no rush, we just wanted to have a powwow with you."

"Oh," The angel said "awesome." He stood from the water and stretched his wings, shaking the feathers to dry, fining their company more appealing than a continued bath anyways. He redonned his wrap, a toga-like white cloth which was very comfortable but seemed to rest uneasily on his skin. Throughout that time he barely laid down the small staff in his hands. The Brothers noticed this and acknowledged it with a shared glance amongst themselves.

"Hey, how've you been feeling?" One asked.

Demizeusmon paused in the act of drying his golden hair and looked accross the way at the Brothers. He looked down at the ground and finished drying, laying the towel on the branch of this safety zone, where it usually rested for his use.

"I... don't really know, you know?" He said, attention still on the towel. "Things just don't feel the same anymore."

The Brothers shared another glance. One seated himself on a rock nearby, and the others followed his lead and did the same. "Well, talk it out." Said one.

"We're here for you." Said another.

Demizuesmon's attention lifted from the towel and to the seated Brothers, gazing at them through the painted metal mask that shrouded his eyes. He brushed one of the laurel branches on his head out of his face as it lost its postitin and sunk down toards his forhead. He stepped forward and seated himself on the ground, feeling at ease near the Brothers enough to speak. He laid the staff accross is lap, retaining hold of it almost nervously, even still.

"It's just something amiss. Like the balance is awry somewhere. It's been plaguing my thoughts and the sleep I do get isn't peaceful. No sleep and all, but there's still this warehouse of energy that says, 'Go do something!' To tell the truth, I'd really like to attack someone right now..." He kept his gaze direct, hoping to emphaisize the meaning of his words so that his guardians could accurately understand, "For no reason, but the thrill."

(This is only part of the remix, for it was the only part that was remixed. It was done by my other half, and it seems I'll have to do the other half myself. It'll be a challenge to pick up on her hints and have it to continually flow)

Have at it.