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+--- Thread: Two more poems for your consumption (/thread-17050.html)
Two more poems for your consumption - Obfuscate - 03-31-2005
Constructive criticism is once again welcome.
Broken Child
There goes the broken child
Rolling down the street
Under torn blankets
Bruised and ravaged till raw
The caring shepherd turned cruel master
Where are the lights?
The sounds?
The people?
So many signs
So many warnings
To late to care
To late to repair
There goes the broken child
Rolling down the street
And they say in hushed tones
So sad
So horrible
So many signs
So many warnings
There goes the broken child
Rolling down the street
Now we sound the alarm
______________________________________________________________________
A Product of "its" Existence
There sits the child
Tired and hungry
Screaming into darkness
Cold and alone
Crying into blackness
Among its few particulars
Torn and tattered
The Bible
Its
Guiding hand
Shinning tunnel light
But no longer does it
Sooth
Fill its belly
Hold it close
Or warm its skin
A Bible gone dark and dusty with disuse
A mirror of the child
A product of its existence
Two more poems for your consumption - Anferny - 04-01-2005
Wow, thats awsome dude, I love the first one, it's very good.
Two more poems for your consumption - SpoonMan999 - 04-01-2005
I like some of the words you use, and some of the repition. But, maybe this is just me, doesn't seem to flow very well when I read it out loud, mostly just in certain areas. But other than that I say good job.
Two more poems for your consumption - Obfuscate - 04-01-2005
My poetry never...flows so to speak. Most are stories. The ebb and flow of them is not so important as the point I try and convey to the reader. Sadly I'm not as good at this as Poe or Hemingway or any of the other greats, which could have easily added rythm and/or flow to the stories.