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Just post all ur favorite jokes so we can have a laugh.
Heres one of my faves:
Impossible to Please A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
another one:
Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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my my my...
how true
great joke
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Wow..... good jokes 
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Funny one:
Electric Train A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of *****es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of *****es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."
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damn, thats one selfish lawyer, but still FUNNY
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lol gj scythe, funny *** jokes
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10-05-2005, 02:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2005, 02:45 PM by chicken24.)
Heres a joke that i like. Credit goes to eBaumsworld.com for this awesome joke
Mum walked into the bathroom one day & found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his p e n i s with a toothbrush and toothpaste. "What the hell do you think you're doing, young man!" she exclaimed. "Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's.
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O.O WOW... rotflmfao thats sick
Live, Learn, then STFU.
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I am Jack's smirking revenge.
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ok ok heres another one from ebaums world again!
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language). After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution.Honey,she signs,Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my p e n i s one time.And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my p e n i s... fifty times!
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lol that ones great
Live, Learn, then STFU.
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I am Jack's smirking revenge.
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10-05-2005, 09:49 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2005, 09:51 PM by CoOliEo.)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did he want to get to the other side?
To get to the pub.
Why did he want to get to the pub?
Because thats where the c o c ks hangout!
Pretty lame i know don't flame.
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Here's a good one from one of my favorite actors. Tom Hanks.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Go f u c kurself
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2 of my faves, one's a little sexist...a little
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer- none, feminists can't change anything
How many dirty stinking apes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer- 3. 1 dirty stinking ape to screw in the lightbulb, and 2 dirty stinkin apes to throw feces at each other
The last one was from family guy, but still a fave. The first one was from a friend.
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i have a racist joke that uses the exact same words from your second one but instead of "ape" i inserted "n!gger"
it's not so much funny as an extreme conversation shocker
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I've told the one from family guy about 50 times and she still laughs excessivly here are a few jokes just show her stupidity(she's a dumbblond*):
How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5; one to hold the lightbulb, 4 to turn the chair.
How did the blond die raking leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
One day 2 brunettes and a blond get stranded on an island, and while looking for food, they find a genie, and it grants them each one wish. The 1st brunette says, "I wish i could go back to my family" The genie gracefully grants her wish and sends her to here husband and 2 kids. The 2nd brunette asks to go back in time before she got stranded in the island, the genie yet again grants a wish and sends her back in time before being stranded. The blond than gets sad and says, "i'm bored, i wish my friends were back" The genie than Takes the 1st brunette away from here family, and the 2nd brunette comes back in time. The blond than remarks, "i missed you guys so much..."
*Dumbblonds are blonds that are idiotic, i'm not implying all blonds are dumb.
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My friend told me this one:
Friend:Hey I wanna tell you a very important story with a moral and you should remember this all your life
Me: Okay.. tell me.
Friend: A cat fell into a pool, a rooster laughs, now whats the moral
Me: Dunno.. tell me.
Friend: A wet ***** makes a **** happy =)
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My friend told me this one:
Friend:Hey I wanna tell you a very important story with a moral and you should remember this all your life
Me: Okay.. tell me.
Friend: A cat fell into a pool, a rooster laughs, now whats the moral
Me: Dunno.. tell me.
Friend: A wet p u s s y makes a c o c k happy =)
Sorry mods if i wasn't supposed to use this kinda language.
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you should have used edit but, god, that's funny
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One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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AHhhhhh thats bad
theres a few racist one i got
how do you starve a black person?
put his food stamps in his work boots
how many black people does it take to change i light blub
1 to chage it and the other to drive the pink caladdic
(thoes 2 are from adam sandeler)
why are black people good at basket ball
becuase they can run shoot and steal.
these next 2 are lighly less racist
how do you find the population of mexico
roll a penny down the streat and count who runs after it
how do you find the richest person in mexico
the 1 who got the penny
what do you call a mexican whose not on/behind a lawn mower
un employed!
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