cyber pirate, lol its funny

[shadowess_enki]

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't ******* laugh at me!
Boy: This **** is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ******* break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ******* sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ****HEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my **** won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a ******* asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your *****
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your *****.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your *****?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet *****.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your ***** get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ***.
Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ***
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ***.
Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

gay father christmass It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he owes thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.

"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.

The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.

"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!"

"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you, thank you!"

Father Christmas promises him that:

1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit, you will have no outstanding bills. "Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for you?" Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over.

After a quite brutal Rogering, which made his eyes water, Father Christmas asks the man how old he is.

"36" replies the man.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't you!?" chuckled the fat gay in fancy dress.

[ilikelilkids]

Add more Add more lol thats funny as shit... Harrrrrrrrrr

[shadowess_enki]

lol ty ty, ok ill post more i was waiting for replies

[ilikelilkids]

lol where di you get....


I no you didnt make up...

anyways points dont do shit so um gimme your please... i collect em....

[shadowess_enki]

my friend lol he is great lol

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars (after they have accumulated enough frequent flier miles). Here, they meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, laptop computers, how do they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you two do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do." the Martian responds.

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap for the night and experience one another's styles!

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the male strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie...about half an inch long and a quarter inch think.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen!

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.

With each slap of his forehead, his unit grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

"No problem,"he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his unit grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman!

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made very mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go on their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful! How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache...she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!"

[elterion]

Hah, that's a great joke.

[ilikelilkids]

lol the first one you put down i liked....

[Arbitzz]

haha thats funny as helll lol espesially the first one about the HAAAARRRRRRRR

lol the shit nuggets was the funnyest shit ive heard in awhile i fell outta my ****in seat when u included it smelt like shit:laugh:

[Silver Ice]

lol that is some funny stuff but i doubt it is allowed on this site

[UberGrossMann]

LMFAO That's some funny shit dude. I love the 1st one, i'm still laughing.

[Arbitzz]

yea i am tooo i can stop im about crying now!!! HAHAHA

[shadowess_enki]

lol ty lol, its all good, my friend comes up with all this, it might be im not sure if it is tho. its not all that bad

[Arbitzz]

lol tell him i said thats some funnny shit and keep it commin

[shadowess_enki]

i will post more soon u people

[Arbitzz]

lol thanks man,,,ill be waiting!!!

[shadowess_enki]

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

[Arbitzz]

hahaha thast great,,,damn shes dumb lol,,,,wow that funny!!!

[shadowess_enki]

lol yea arent these great? he sends me a ton on e mail i knoe him from school

[Arbitzz]

lol yea these r great!!! I wish i had a friend at school that was a walking joke book lol

[shadowess_enki]

lol, yea he is class clown, kills everyone with them they all crack up

i have a good one ull love get on aim can u? its sorta bad