Euphemsisms

[Tichondrius_87]

Euphemisms for male ************ G-J
Gallop the old lizard

Gardening with the golden trowel

Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion

Get a date with Slick Mittens

Get the German soldier marching

Get to know yourself

Get your pole varnished

Give it a tug

Give your low five

Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money

Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh

Go blind

Go on a date with Fisty Palmer

Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela

Go the blow

Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader's head
Submitted by Jake W.

Goose the gherkin

Grease the pipe

Greasing the three-legged cow

Hand job

Hard labor

Have one off the wrist

Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college

Hitchhike to heaven

Hitchhike underneath the big top

Hitting too close to home

Hoisting your own petard

Hold the bishop

Hold the sausage hostage

Holding your own

Hone the cone

Honk your horn

Hosing down the driveway

Hotfooting it to the nearest exit

Hug the hog

Hump your hose

Investing in pork bellies

Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell

Jack hammer

Jazz yourself

Jerk Jamby

Jerk the gherkin

[Nethran]

this is sad, tich. stop.

[Tichondrius_87]

here be another filcheroo

Throughout history, breasts have inspired, confounded and entertained. But how much do we really know about the development of these majestic, fleshy orbs? What follows is a helpful timeline highlighting great moments in the glorious history of boobs.

The development of human breasts is necessitated by evolution. Evolution clearly knows what it's doing. 1.6 million B.C.
30 B.C. Hot Egyptian ruler Cleopatra is bitten in the boob by an asp. Long line forms to suck out the venom.
Intoxicated, vision-impaired pirates inadvertently discover ****** piercing. 1680
1776 This year marks the first recorded use of the term "booby hatch" for an insane asylum. What this has to do with boobs we have no idea, but we do not discriminate when it comes to boobs.
The first Mardi Gras parade takes place in New Orleans, consisting of one float, some cheap beads, and innumerable bare bosoms. 1839
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrives in New York Harbor possessing the largest boobs seen in America up to that point.
The T-shirt finds widespread acceptance. Oddly, wet T-shirt contests don't catch on until the latter part of the century. 1917
1922 The Maidenform company is founded, starting the convention of naming cup sizes A through D. The practice of "bra stuffing" quickly renders this measurement system meaningless.
The Grand Tetons are named by French trappers. Grand Tetons means "big boobs." It's the last time in history the French showed good judgment. 1929
1937 The Hindenburg bursts into flames and crashes. Historians note that, in retrospect, the Hindenburg looked a lot like a giant, floating boob.
Duct tape is created to keep moisture out of military ammunition cases during World War II. In time, it is used to create the illusion of more cleavage, mostly by beauty pageant contestants. 1941
1943 Howard Hughes designs a "cantilevered" bra for Jane Russell to wear in "The Outlaw." Giant boobs have been involved in making movies ever since.
Dolly Parton is born in Locust Ridge, Tennessee. Big boob jokes go mainstream. 1946
1953 The first issue of "Playboy" hits newsstands, offering the world a wide variety of boobs. That is, if you consider "big" and "airbrushed" the same thing as "a wide variety."
The first breast augmentation surgery is performed. Deemed to be first undeniable proof there is a God. 1962
1963 Bra burning becomes a symbol of the women's liberation movement. Unleashed hooters somehow make the women's liberation movement less annoying.
Farrah Fawcett-Majors poses for a poster in her swimsuit, inspiring bad hairstyles, anorexia and palm callouses around the globe. 1976
1977 "Three's Company" debuts. Suzanne Somers' ******s become first celebrity body parts in history to demand their own publicist.
Phoebe Cates removes her bathing suit top in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." The price of Kleenex stock surges. 1982
1983 The Hooters restaurant chain is launched, making lecherous ogling a "family-friendly" activity.
Pamela Anderson debuts on "Baywatch." Boobs reach an unprecedented level of popularity. 1989
1990 Madonna dons a conical bra for her "Blond Ambition" tour, accomplishing the impossible. She manages to make boobs boring.
The Wonderbra takes the fashion world by storm. Women's rights activists present passionate arguments asserting the bra encourages men to objectify women. Men are so distracted, all they hear is "blah, blah, blah." 1994
1995 "Seinfeld" episode airs featuring the "Bro," a bra for men. Inexplicably, John Madden, Pavarotti and Marlon Brando are unavailable for comment.
The video game "Tomb Raider" debuts, featuring top-heavy adventurer Lara Croft. Gives a whole new meaning to the term "handling one's joystick." 1996
1997 In the popular "Austin Powers" movie, Fembots use breasts as weapons. In actuality, women have been doing this since 1.6 million B.C.
A Florida man sues a strip club claiming exotic dancer Tawny Peaks' 60-inch HHH bosom caused him to suffer whiplash. Defense lawyers are paid with a large stack of one dollar bills reeking of cheap perfume. 1998
1999 Pamela Anderson has her 36DD breast implants removed, returning her to a 36C. The male population of the planet collectively utters, "Whuh?"
A Brazilian woman is shot during a confrontation between police and drug dealers and is saved by her silicone breast implants. Implants are no longer just visually appealing, but are also a "personal safety measure." 2003
2003 Overshadowing Lady Liberty, the Iraqi Information Minister becomes the biggest boob anyone has ever seen.

[Nethran]

im not reading that you crazy bastards....summarize it and have it on my deskl in the morning.

[Tichondrius_87]

boobs are nice. they have a history. it is funny. that good?

[Nethran]

I said morning you blasphemous mule.

[Tichondrius_87]

hee haww!!!! *shits on your desk* it is the morning you wanker biting anti-christian! it's only 11:18.

[Nethran]

maybe your face is only 11:18, you pooper-on-desker, you!! Ill have you castrated for this!

[Tichondrius_87]

maybe your face is castrated! in the pants!!!

[Nethran]

my face is castrated like your mouth is full of austin. damned straight

[Tichondrius_87]

what did i tell you about your incestual fantasies? leave me out of them. ****bite.

[Nethran]

you and your brother are not a fantasy of mine, you are a reality of yours. Now I have to go, be good.

[Tichondrius_87]

good me? you should know better.

i'm beginning to realize why god hate's us.

[Nethran]

I dun get it... why does he hate us? I know he hates us, but whay?