03-30-2006, 07:55 AM
My family has a golf tournament each year and every year they come up with some new material. I can see how these won't be funny to people who don't golf but it's worth a shot. :p
Myself and my caddy were out one day on the links and I was doing alright, when on the tenth hole I tried to power a ball down the 400 yard hole and sliced off into a deep embankment. I was pretty mad about it, but it was still in play so I got an eight iron and started bushwacking in the down the steep face. When I found my ball it was at the feet of a skeleton holding an eight iron! "You better come down here!" I called to my caddy, who looked over the embankment with a confused expression. "And bring a seven, there is no way in hell I'm getting out of here with an eight iron!"
A man and his wife were golfing and on the eigth hole he wickedly sliced the ball. His wife and he found it sitting behind an open barn, and through it you could see the green about seventy-five yards away. A passing foursome encouraged him to try and hit the ball through the large open bar doors. So the husband squared up and took a shot, which missed the door completely, boucned off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
Ten years later and was mired in guilt and depression, every time someone even made mention of golf he broke down into tears, and so he went to see a therapist about his depression. The therapist suggested he take up his clubs and go back to the same course and confront his inner demons, so he did. Even if a little rusty he did alright until he got to the eigth hole, where he wickedly sliced the ball and yet again it landed directly behind the barn. A passing twosome suggested he try and shoot the ball through the barn doors, and then the man go real quiet and started to shed some tears. "What's wrong, what did I say?" the fellow golfer asked, to which the widower replied "Well.. Last time I tried to shoot through the barn I.." He sputtered "I shot an eight!"
One day the marshall was driving back to the clubhouse where he happened to see a man teeing off at the women's tee area. "Sir!" he yelled at the man, "You can't tee off there, you have to go back to the white tee box!" The man didn't even look up so he figured he didn't hear him, so the marshal called again. "Sir, you are teeing off in the women's area, you have to go back to the white area to tee off!" The golfer looked up and gave the man a dirty look, soon going back to lining up his shot. A bit flustered, the Marshal walked inside the clubhouse and got on the loudspeaker. "Will the man teeing off at on the first hole please move to the white tee area, as the blue area is reserved for female golfers." The man's face got real red and he threw his club into the air, yelling furiously at the marshall "IT'S MY SECOND SHOT!"
Myself and my caddy were out one day on the links and I was doing alright, when on the tenth hole I tried to power a ball down the 400 yard hole and sliced off into a deep embankment. I was pretty mad about it, but it was still in play so I got an eight iron and started bushwacking in the down the steep face. When I found my ball it was at the feet of a skeleton holding an eight iron! "You better come down here!" I called to my caddy, who looked over the embankment with a confused expression. "And bring a seven, there is no way in hell I'm getting out of here with an eight iron!"
A man and his wife were golfing and on the eigth hole he wickedly sliced the ball. His wife and he found it sitting behind an open barn, and through it you could see the green about seventy-five yards away. A passing foursome encouraged him to try and hit the ball through the large open bar doors. So the husband squared up and took a shot, which missed the door completely, boucned off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
Ten years later and was mired in guilt and depression, every time someone even made mention of golf he broke down into tears, and so he went to see a therapist about his depression. The therapist suggested he take up his clubs and go back to the same course and confront his inner demons, so he did. Even if a little rusty he did alright until he got to the eigth hole, where he wickedly sliced the ball and yet again it landed directly behind the barn. A passing twosome suggested he try and shoot the ball through the barn doors, and then the man go real quiet and started to shed some tears. "What's wrong, what did I say?" the fellow golfer asked, to which the widower replied "Well.. Last time I tried to shoot through the barn I.." He sputtered "I shot an eight!"
One day the marshall was driving back to the clubhouse where he happened to see a man teeing off at the women's tee area. "Sir!" he yelled at the man, "You can't tee off there, you have to go back to the white tee box!" The man didn't even look up so he figured he didn't hear him, so the marshal called again. "Sir, you are teeing off in the women's area, you have to go back to the white area to tee off!" The golfer looked up and gave the man a dirty look, soon going back to lining up his shot. A bit flustered, the Marshal walked inside the clubhouse and got on the loudspeaker. "Will the man teeing off at on the first hole please move to the white tee area, as the blue area is reserved for female golfers." The man's face got real red and he threw his club into the air, yelling furiously at the marshall "IT'S MY SECOND SHOT!"