Put your jokes here and see if people think they are funny. Here is one:
A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his **** out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"
The college professor had just finished explaining an important
research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute
requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two
acceptable excuses for being late: a medically certifiable illness, or a
death in the immediate family.
A student in the back of the class waved his hand and spoke up, "But,
professor, what about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As you would expect,
the class exploded in laughter.
When the students had finally settled down, the professor calmly
responded, "You'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
3 Worst Tortures Known To Man:
A starving man has been walking through the woods for days. He has no food, and no shelter. As he is walking he comes upon an old house. Glad to finally see some civilization he runs to the door and raps on it loudly. An old man answers. The starving man asks the old man if he will give him shelter and food for the night. Saying that he will be gone in the morning. The old man agrees, saying that he can stay on one condition only. He must not go any where near his granddaughter. If he does, he will regret it greatly. The starving man agrees...after all, what kind of girl would live so far out in the woods?
That night at the supper table the man and the granddaughter can't keep their eyes off each other. They decide to meet up later on. And when they do, it's like nothing either of them have ever experienced before.
The next morning the man suddenly wakes up in his own room because he feels a heavy weight on his chest. He looks down and sees a rock sitting there. On it, it says "First Worst Torture Test Known to Man--Rock on Chest." The man laughs and thinks, is this all? This is going to be easy. So he gets out of bed, and throws the rock out the window. As the rock is hurtling toward the ground below he notice's another note stuck to the other side of the rock it reads "Second Worst Torture Test Known to Man--Rock Tied to Left Testicle." In a panic the man tries to reach for the rock, realizing that it is too far out the window to catch, he decides to jump out after it. On his way down, the man sees a third note taped to the side of the building, it reads "Third Worst Torture Test Known to Man--Right Testicle tied to bedpost."
Osama in Hell
One day in the future, Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room; in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in & surfacing empty handed-over & over &over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," bin Laden said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room; in it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Osama bin Laden looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and replied................
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his **** out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"
The college professor had just finished explaining an important
research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute
requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two
acceptable excuses for being late: a medically certifiable illness, or a
death in the immediate family.
A student in the back of the class waved his hand and spoke up, "But,
professor, what about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As you would expect,
the class exploded in laughter.
When the students had finally settled down, the professor calmly
responded, "You'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
3 Worst Tortures Known To Man:
A starving man has been walking through the woods for days. He has no food, and no shelter. As he is walking he comes upon an old house. Glad to finally see some civilization he runs to the door and raps on it loudly. An old man answers. The starving man asks the old man if he will give him shelter and food for the night. Saying that he will be gone in the morning. The old man agrees, saying that he can stay on one condition only. He must not go any where near his granddaughter. If he does, he will regret it greatly. The starving man agrees...after all, what kind of girl would live so far out in the woods?
That night at the supper table the man and the granddaughter can't keep their eyes off each other. They decide to meet up later on. And when they do, it's like nothing either of them have ever experienced before.
The next morning the man suddenly wakes up in his own room because he feels a heavy weight on his chest. He looks down and sees a rock sitting there. On it, it says "First Worst Torture Test Known to Man--Rock on Chest." The man laughs and thinks, is this all? This is going to be easy. So he gets out of bed, and throws the rock out the window. As the rock is hurtling toward the ground below he notice's another note stuck to the other side of the rock it reads "Second Worst Torture Test Known to Man--Rock Tied to Left Testicle." In a panic the man tries to reach for the rock, realizing that it is too far out the window to catch, he decides to jump out after it. On his way down, the man sees a third note taped to the side of the building, it reads "Third Worst Torture Test Known to Man--Right Testicle tied to bedpost."
Osama in Hell
One day in the future, Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room; in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in & surfacing empty handed-over & over &over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," bin Laden said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room; in it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Osama bin Laden looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and replied................
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
You can run....but you'll just die tired.
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