Pamela's Joke Of The Day!!

[D4rkSl4y3r]

NICE ONES PAM....i like the wedding one....LOL:::
whoooo hoooo 200 posts(srry off topic)

[hawkfan101]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEED, making jokes funny erywhere

[Pamela]

Ok New joke !! I hope you like it!

you may be a high-tech redneck if.....

* You post squirrel recipes on a website.
* You've ever bought beer online.
* You write to Hewlett-Packard to sponsor a NASCAR team.
* You've modeled your new 'Daisy Dukes' for a webcam.
* You have a celphone headset for your fishing boat.
* Your robot dog is named 'Bubba'.
* You paid more for your computer than you did for your house.
* You subscribe to the chewing tobacco newsgroup.
* Your windows wallpaper is the confederate flag.
* You make John Wayne MP3s.
* Your IM lists are "Hunting buddies" and "Mama'n them".
* Your ringtone is a Hank Williams song.
* You changed beauty shops because they didn't offer websurfing under the hair driers.
* You modified your gunrack to hold a rifle AND your laptop.
* You help install a wireless hotspot zone in your favorite Honky Tonk.
* You've ever called Graceland to tell them their webcam was down.
* You have your monster truck magazine collection on CD-ROM.
* You've ever been to a computer show wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt.
* You've used your shoe's spike heel to pry out a DVD that was stuck in the player.
* Your ISP's office is on a gravel road.
* You sent your husband an Ecard of Dolly Parton on the first day of deer season.
* You have Harley Davidson stickers on your mouse.
* Your Windows sound files are all steel guitar.
* You wrote a really cool flash animation that involves Jack Daniels.
* You've ever emailed a digital photo of your new tattoo.
* You know the GPS coordinates of your deer stand and duck blind.
* You've used a photo editor to see what you'd look like in Tammy Faye makeup.
* You've used a locking CD case to close a bag of salsa chips.
* You've ever gotten Kripsy Kreme icing INSIDE your PDA.
* You've ever spilled moonshine on your Blackberry.
* You wired your grandma's outhouse with broadband just for giggles.
* You have a satellite photo of the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleaders on your wall.
* You've ever painted a URL on an overpass.
* You've discussed high capacity hard drives while getting your cowboy boots polished.

[Knight Blade]

* You modified your gunrack to hold a rifle AND your laptop.

<= Me in a nutshell. Quick song 4 the hi-tech revolution!

Library. We have every book from A to Z. We have the dictionary on CD! Library!
:drummer:

[Hamel]

Haha pam keep em coming these are pretty funny

[Knight Blade]

* You've ever gotten Kripsy Kreme icing INSIDE your PDA.

This happened to my friend almost. He has dish washer soap inside his Gameboy Advanced SP. I mean what the crap?

[spark-nite]

heres one my friend told me

ok theres a a blond a burnette and a red head they all work at the same bar and they notice that their boss is always leaving early so they said"Hey why dont we leave early she'll never no" so they leave to burnette goes home to sleep the red head goes shoping and the blond goes home when she does she sees her boss having sex with her husband she hides then runs out they meet back at the bar the burnette say"we should do this again sometime" the bond says " no i almost got caught

....lol can any of you guys rate this on a scale of 1-10:confused:

[Silent_killers]

Here are some I got from ebaums world:
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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “Pig! ”The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “*****!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
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After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke....

The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '1 2 3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens after when its over?".

The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1 2 3 4' and it will go down". "But be warned it will not work again for 3 months!"

This guy goes home and that night is ready to surprise his wife with the good news... So he is lying in bed with her and says "1 2 3", and suddenly he gets a hard-on.

His wife turns over and says "What did you say '1 2 3' for?"
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A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.

The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down & wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs.

So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up & drives them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.

'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.'
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I only thought the first was funny. I guess I didn't understand the last two.

Anyways, Ill post some more later.

[D4rkSl4y3r]

last one was funny and the first one is funny nice ones

[Knight Blade]

funny. the last one means the pigs like it.

[Silent_killers]

Ok thanks Knight blade I get the last one now. And lol now I just got the second one.
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A married couple receive a bank statement with a huge overdraft. They also receive a final demand for the gas bill. So they agree to save money. That evening, they are watching TV when the man gets up and tells his wife that he's going down to the local bar. Outraged, the wife informs him that he has no right to go to the bar and leave her at home when they need to economize. The husband nods and tells his wife to put her coat on. Surprised and amazed, the wife asks, "Why, are we going out together?" "No," he says. "I'm turning the heating off."

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Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

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A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."


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I'd say the second and third are funny but the first isn't.

[D4rkSl4y3r]

yea 2 & 3 are hilarious....watch out pam u have some competition...(but you are still my most respected person)

[Knight Blade]

I dunno. Pam's great.

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke....

The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '1 2 3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish.
The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens after when its over?".

The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1 2 3 4' and it will go down". "But be warned it will not work again for 3 months!"

This guy goes home and that night is ready to surprise his wife with the good news... So he is lying in bed with her and says "1 2 3", and suddenly he gets a hard-on.

His wife turns over and says "What did you say '1 2 3' for?"

I don't get it.

[Silent_killers]

Knight you can just go and edit what I put. Anyways, here's another one.

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A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

[Hamel]

Ha thats pretty funny that would hurt lol >_<

[Silent_killers]

Here's three I understand lol.

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One Thanksgiving a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, "He gave you the bird!"

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A man goes into a repair shop to get his watch fixed. But when he sees that the girl running the store is extremely hot, he unzips his pants and lays his johnson on the counter.

Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop! the shocked girl shouts.

I know, he replies. I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this.

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A man wakes up one morning and there's a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his nuts and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog!"

[D4rkSl4y3r]

LOL last one was awsome where you get these jokes....all where good...and isnt this pams joke page maybe you should make your own and get them there....(just a suggestion)

[Silent_killers]

Yeah maybe I should get my own thread. I get them from ebaums world.

[Pamela]

LMAO Those were great!!I go on Ebaums too^^ Feel free to post anytime ~_^

[Stifle_this]

i still dont get the second one from the frist set, i think it may be about his ***** being too small but im not sure, someone help me?

i still dont get the second one from the first set of jokes from silent, is it because its so small? Someone wanna help me out?